


Don't Bet Anything You're Not Prepared To Lose

by SolivagantSleepyhead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Idiots, M/M, and kankri is an annoying little shit, but they get better?? kind of??, cronus is kind of a douchebag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolivagantSleepyhead/pseuds/SolivagantSleepyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cronus Ampora has never been in love, and he sure as fuck wasn't going to fall for this unbearably loquacious kid who just happened to fall into his life. But instead of leaving well-enough alone, he makes a stupid bet with his friend that could change his life forever. Now, what does he have when faced with the indecision of telling the truth and potentially ruining everything that's important to him, or living a lie with the person who is ever so slowly becoming his everything?<br/>In short: "Growing up is hard. It's hard and nobody understands."-Eridan Ampora</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok, a few things.  
> A)you are probably going to hate almost everyone in the first chapter oops.  
> B) this will probably get, like, actually sad at some point.  
> C)I'm not used to writing in 3rd person view, so (just assuming you've read anything i've ever written) my description is going to be mega shit and i might actually have to change the POV  
> and  
> D)literally all my friends are anti-social stoners and we all just mope around to different parties and coffee shops resenting the fuck out of everything so I actually have no goddamn clue how normal teenagers communicate so im probs way off and i apologize to all teenagers who are social, functioning members of society

Cronus cast his reflection one last glance in the mirror as he pulled on his shoes, begrudgingly preparing for yet another day of school. It was only October, the leaves on the trees just barely hinting at the changing season, but he could feel the senioritis creeping up on him; the need to seek adventures outside of this town that never seemed to change. Even the passing seasons seemed muted in the wearisome hum of days almost indistinguishable from one another.

“Hey, Cron-ass!!”  
He turned at the sound of his (almost) name, catching a glimpse of black and yellow fabric whizzing towards him. He scarcely had time to move out of the way before he was overtaken by the other teen.

“Jesus, ‘Tuna!” He huffed, cigarette balanced at the edge of his lips. “I swear to god, one of these days someone is gonna break that fuckin’ skateboard of yours if you keep acting like an asshole.”

That only earned him that same grating snicker, the other turning directly in front of him and cutting off his path.  “Shut up, dickwad. At least I’m not the one who mopes around here all day flirting with that Peixes chick.” Mituna laughed, flicking up the visor of his helmet. “I mean, LESBI-honest here, she’s obviously got a thing with the class rep, bro. Quit denying and move on.”

“I ain’t denyin’ anything.” Cronus grumbled, glaring at the other. “How’s it that, out of the two of us, _you’re_ the one who’s got a girlfriend, anyway?”

“’Cause I’m basically better than you at every conceivable thing, ever.” Mituna remarked, flashing Cronus that irritatingly smug toothy grin of his. “Also, you gotta admit, I am one hot piece of ass.”

Cronus snorted at that, punching him in the shoulder. “Yeah, y’know, helmet hair and lisps are _really_ what get my horses runnin’; thanks for clearin’ that up for me, chief.”

The two continued on their walk to school, chatting idly about this and that before they were interrupted by a voice calling out to them, becoming louder by the second—

“YO, TUNA!!”

Cronus barely had time to react before he was knocked over, sprawling out on the pavement as the girl flew by him, cackling all the way.

“Nice one, Tulip!” Mituna laughed as he high-fived the girl, paying no mind to Cronus as he struggled back up to his feet.

“Pyrope, give a guy a little warnin’ before you come fucking barreling down a hill toward him next time.” He groaned, dusting off his leather jacket as he rejoined the other two on the sidewalk.

“Sorry about that, man! I forgot about trajectory and all that totally lame shit. Science is a mega-bitch.”

“You wouldn’t know science if it bit you on the ass, Pyrope.” Cronus deadpanned, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “What are you in such a hurry for anyway? ‘Ya ask me, any precious second of not bein’ in school should be saved.”

“Actually, today’s the day that Porrim’s cousin transfers into our school and I promised her to help the little dude out!” She replied, pushing her shades up the bridge of her nose.

“Oh shit, Porrim’s got a cousin?” Mituna laughed. “Ten bucks says he’s some kind of male model who’s always inexplicably shirtless and is transferring into our shit school to avoid paparazzi. Buckle up, kids, we’re about to become an MTV reality show.”

“Nah, I heard he’s pretty lax,” Latula frowned, scrunching up her nose in thought. “He’s from a Catholic school, so totally more gay-porno than MTV show.”

“Porrim’s cousin is a Jesus freak? Holy _shit_ , there is no way I’m missing this!” Mituna cackled, breaking into a sprint as they neared the courtyard.

Cronus sighed, reluctantly following behind at a more leisurely pace. Either way, he didn’t really give a shit. S’not like this kid was gonna be interested in him, anyway. He’d seen religious types and how they think of boys dating and he was not fucking about that life, no matter how hot this kid might be. (And if he looked anything like Maryam, then god _damn_.)

…

When he finally made it to the Senior Cafeteria, it wasn’t hard to find where Maryam and her cousin were. The news had spread quickly around his small group of acquaintances, and most of them had been just as curious to see who this kid was.

The closer Cronus got, the more disappointed he was. This kid was cute and all, sure, but definitely nothing special. He was smaller than most of the freshman, and the way he was drowning in that abrasively red sweater made him look more like a middle-school kid than anything. Even so, cute was cute, so Cronus made sure he had his game face on as he approached the group.

“Hey, Maryam; ‘s this your cousin?” Cronus asked, feigning ignorance as he sidled up next to where they were sitting.

“If you’re asking, you obviously know the answer, Cronus.” She frowned, narrowing her eyes at him. “And his name is Kankri. I _trust_ you will be good to him?” Porrim continued, her tone warning.

Just as Cronus opened his mouth to rebut her silent accusation, another, soft voice cut him off.

“Porrim, please; I’m not a child anymore, and you have no reason to coddle me, as I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you.” Kankri reproached, scowling slightly. “Also, I would appreciate it if you did not make me out to seem helpless to your friends, as first impressions can have lasting effects on how one is perceived in a new environment, and I would prefer _not_ to be thought of as little more than someone who depends on others to stand up for them.”

Porrim groaned, smacking a hand to her forehead. “Kanny, the only one here who is making a negative first impression is you, darling.”

“Excuse me?” Kankri backtracked, staring at her wide-eyed. “I am only defending myself, as I have every right to, Porrim. And, again, my name is Kan _kri_. Not _Kanny_.”

“Fine, believe what you want, but your father did tell me to look after you, and I intend to do such.” She responded, crossing her arms. “You know, there is a difference between accepting care from people and being coddled, Kankri.”

Kankri just huffed at that, turning back to the others and leaving Cronus totally confused. How could one person talk that fucking much? What a pretentious kid; he could already tell that they weren’t going to get along at all.

When the bell rang for first period, he and Mituna joined back up to walk to class together, the rest of the group filing out towards their respective buildings.

“That kid’s pretty annoying.” Mituna grunted, pulling his helmet off and tucking it under his arm. “Kinda hard to believe he’s even related to “Sex Goddess Maryam”, ammirite?”

Cronus hummed noncommittally. Honestly, he’d expected to be underwhelmed and he was. Same shit as always.

“Do you think he’s like…a closeted super freak, or something?” Mituna cackled, shaking his bright red hair from his eyes. “Holy shit, I dare you to find out.”

“You dare me to _what_?” Cronus frowned, raising a brow. “I don’t wanna spend any more time with that kid than is absolutely necessary.”

“Just like, seduce him, or something. You always talk about how lonely you are, so I dare you to put the moves on Porrim’s uptight cousin!”

“I do not!” Cronus glared at him, crossing his arms. “Besides, why would I wanna do that? It sounds fuckin’ boring.”

Mituna scrunched his face up in thought, absently tapping a finger to his chin. “Well…you could get to spend a lot of time at Porrim’s house?”

Aaaaand we have a winner. Hook, line, and sinker.

Cronus raised his eyebrows at that. Yeah, Kankri would be an irritating shit, but…who’s to say he couldn’t get both of them on his good side?

“…Well, I don’t have much else to do, anyway so…” Cronus conceded, a sly smile creeping across his face at the thought of it.

“Yeah, alright!” Mituna interjected, giving Cronus a high-five. “Lmoa, this is gonna be so funny. We’ll have him down to public school standards by 2015, believe me.” He laughed, throwing his head back in malicious glee.

Cronus laughed along with him. This couldn’t be that bad, right? I mean, the kid had it comin’ anyway, what with that sharp tongue of his. If anything, they were doing him a favor by taking him down a few levels.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Cronus rarely paid attention in class most days, but the task was made even more impossible as his mind ran rampant with thoughts of his bet with Mituna. Although he didn’t really want to spend the time with Kankri, the chance that he could get both him _and_ Porrim was too sweet to pass up. After all, how hard could it be to get on his good side? Cronus knew he was smooth as fuck, and with his charm and good looks, he could probably get at least one of them to fall for him in no time flat.

He just needed a way to get close to Kankri first.

As soon as the bell rang, Cronus was already on the move. He sent Mituna a quick text not to wait up for him as he hurried outside to search the senior lot for Porrim’s car. To his luck (and slight disappointment), Kankri was already there, standing alone by the passenger side and staring absently at his phone. ‘ _Time to put on the Ampora charm’_ , he thought, sneaking up beside the boy and clearing his throat quietly.

“Hey, Kankri, right?” He grinned, leaning up against the door in his best imitation of nonchalance. “How’re you likin’ the school so far, babe?”

Kankri jumped a bit at the sudden interruption, obviously preoccupied with his thoughts as he struggled to comprehend what had just been said to him. “Ah, yes; so far it seems quite nice.” He replied, expression a bit wary. “Although, I would appreciate it if you could refrain from referring to me by such a familiar sobriquet, Mr…?”

“Ampora; but you can call me Cronus, sweet cheeks.” He winked, ignoring Kankri’s request entirely.

Kankri rolled his eyes at the gesture, reluctantly amused at the change of pace. “Alright, _Cronus_ , assuming you didn’t quite understand me before: my name will suffice, thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that,” Cronus waved his hand dismissively, trying to not be too obvious with his irritation. “When I see a cutie like yourself, I just can’t help but call ‘em names sweet enough to suit ‘em, ya dig?” He purred, resting a hand on Kankri’s shoulder so he could look into his eyes more directly.

Kankri immediately tensed, moving to brush the hand away before another hand did it for him, slapping Cronus’s away in disgust.

“Ampora. Why am I not in the least surprised?” Cronus bit back a groan of frustration, that disdainful tone that could only belong to one person.

“Hey, calm down, Por. I just wanted to see how he was settlin’ in, is all.” Cronus replied, holding his hands up in a placating gesture as he took a step away from the smaller boy.

“You do realize that you can do so _without_ putting your greasy paws all over him, right?” She smiled rigidly, her statement dripping with contempt. “Anyways, I’m sure it’s been fun, but we really ought to get going, and I’m sure you have a very demanding schedule of sulking about, so.”

“Yeah, yeah don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m on my way.” Cronus drawled, nodding his head sarcastically. “Just one last thing,” He added, grabbing a pen from his pocket and scribbling his number down on the back of Kankri’s hand before the other really had a chance to protest is actions. “Call me sometime, cutie!” He cooed, turning back towards the school and ignoring Kankri’s indignant sputtering all the way.

This was going to be so fucking easy.

…

All in all, Cronus wasn’t very surprised when Kankri _didn’t_ call. The point was that he had his number now, so he had no excuse not to use it when they _did_ go out—not to mention it gave him more of a reason to talk to Kankri the following day at school. Since Mituna was the only other person who knew about his not-so-pure intentions, he was able to spend as much time as possible with Kankri without raising more suspicion than usual. If he was going to do this, he was going to fucking _do_ it, all 9 miles. He walked Kankri to class, carried his books for him, and even offered to meet up with him under the old oak in the courtyard for their free period, where he had nothing to do but watch the clouds and let the other’s rambling melt into an almost pleasant hum of background static.

In the end, gaining his trust had been almost too easy. Kankri had the reckless confidence of someone who wasn’t used to being taken advantage of. He was trusting, honest, and pretty up-front about who he was and what he thought, no matter the consequence. Cronus probably would have found it endearing if he wasn’t talking his goddamn ear off every aching second of silence that lapsed between them.

By the end of the week, he was pretty pleased with where he had gotten to with Kankri. A little while longer and he’d have the boy eating out of the palm of his hand (so long as he avoided Porrim, that is. She seemed to be catching on to the fact that there was no way in hell Cronus Horndog Ampora would ever want to pursue a soft romance with celibate little Kankri Vantas.)

Even so, he had managed to convince Kankri to let him show him around the town after school, and Porrim seemed more relieved than anything to finally have a night to herself. He showed Kankri all of the most romantic spots in town—an almost impossible feat in their steadily growing metropolis. Together, the two explored the peer, the overlook on top of Petunia ledge, and, la piece de résistance, the quiet Aquarium near the outskirts of town. And, as expected, Kankri had enjoyed every minute of it, seemingly satisfied with just having someone “listen” to him for once (little did he know that listening to him was the furthest thing from his companion’s mind, but Cronus would never tell).

Cronus, instead, worked on playing his part to the best of his ability. While Kankri rambled, he let his eyes roam over the boy’s gentle russet eyes, his soft, toffee skin, and the gentle curve of his cupid’s-bow lips as he enunciated word after word in that silky, dulcet tone more fit for reciting prose than his backwards efforts at social justice…

Okay, maybe Kankri was a _little_ more than cute, but that only made the fruit of his efforts all the more sweet! Every time that pink dusted over his cheeks or he smiled in that almost imperceptible way, Cronus could feel himself growing closer and closer to the boy.

He probably would have felt disgusted with himself if he didn’t get such a rush from the sensation of feeling cared for by someone.

After all, how could any kind of affection be wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it'll probs get better soon. expect updates every other day or smth


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is when the
> 
> rOMan.ce hapen.............

A month had passed since Cronus had made that bet with Mituna, and he was beginning to seriously regret his decision. Yeah, Kankri was outrageously verbose and, initially, it was fun to egg him on and make fun of him behind his back (both figuratively and literally), but after a while, Cronus couldn’t deny that he was starting to feel a little…not great about using him like this. A sharp stab of something he would never admit was guilt seemed to strike him whenever he was with Kankri, who was too naïve to notice the fact that he was obviously pretending. Being so dishonest to him was sickening in a way that Cronus couldn’t quite explain, it’s like waking up from a dream in a room you don’t recognize, and the cold rush that slips down your spine the moment before you remember who and where you are.

The absolute worst was when Kankri finally opened up enough to confide in Cronus. Hearing all of his fears and insecurities made Cronus want to confess everything to him, the shame of abusing his willingness to trust and manipulating his feelings was overwhelming.

His self-loathing hit its peak the day he went to Kankri’s house for the first time. Although he’d been reluctant to acknowledge it, he had been beginning to enjoy being around Kankri. After all of the enjoyment at Kankri’s expense had faded, he began to realize that Kankri was actually a pretty decent person—if you could get past his hypocritical ways, that is. He’d accepted the invitation still, telling himself the eagerness was for his prank, and _not_ excitement to spend more time with Kankri.

Even with a visit under (what Cronus had assumed to be) false pretenses, he’d had the time of his life simply spending the afternoon in Kankri’s room playing video games and just actually talking to him, for once. For all he spoke, Kankri could actually listen when given the chance, it was almost a shame that nobody waited long enough to have an actual conversation with him. More than anything though, hanging out with Kankri was having a pretty positive influence on him academically; following him to the library almost every night was definitely more efficient than how he usually just walked around town with Mituna. Not to mention the fact that Kankri was actually pretty fucking good at school work.

That afternoon, he’d just been sitting on Kankri’s bed doing his Pre-Calc homework when it had happened, that one event that changed everything for him.

“Cronus, could you look at me for a moment?” Kankri asked, his voice heavy with an alien nervousness. Cronus hummed softly, turning to look back at him, but was met with a ghost of soft lips brushing against his own, evanescent enough that he almost wondered if he’d imagined it. Tentatively, a small, warm hand came to rest on the side of his face, and he was pulled back to the present of how real it all was. He was stunned, barely able to reciprocate against the realization of _oh my_ god _, Kankri was actually kissing him_. Kankri pulled back after a fraction of a second that seemed to stretch into an eternity, and Cronus was immediately met with the other’s lightly flushed face, his own breath catching at the sight.  

“I—ah—apologize for the abruptness of my actions.” Kankri stuttered, uncharacteristically ineloquent. “I’ve never done anything like that and I, well; I really like you, Cronus.” He smiled, possibly the first time Cronus had seen him do so, and his throat went dry at the expression.

“It’s all good, babe.” Cronus managed to choke out, his face suffusing with color. “I…like you, too?”

“Really?” Kankri asked, still smiling past the eagerness in his voice. “I’m…I’m just really relieved. Thank you.” He replied, resting his hand on top of Cronus’s gently.

Cronus felt his stomach turn with a sudden nausea at that. What the fuck was he doing? He was exploiting Kankri’s innocence—his affection—and all for the purpose of some sick game? For the first time, he was beginning to understand why everyone thought he was such an asshole.

He’d held Kankri’s hand for a little bit longer, only letting go on some fake excuse of having to be home before his dad. At the door, he had to force down the apology in his throat as Kankri leaned up on his tip-toes to kiss him again, all chaste and sugar-sweet because he _meant it_. Oh, god, did he ever mean it.

Instead of going back home, Cronus went to the beach and screamed against the roar of the November tide, his hands shaking so much that he nearly dropped his cigarette. Thoughts of Kankri ran through his mind. And it was with a certain type of fear that he realized that holy _shit,_ he might actually like Kankri. He was taking advantage of this honest kid that he fucking _cared about_ , all for the sake of some stupid bet with his friend. He had developed legitimate feelings for the very same person he had been secretly abusing for the past 5 fucking weeks.

He’d never felt so goddamn worthless in his entire life.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *hands out tissues*

After the kiss with Kankri, Cronus had been forced to come to terms with his feelings for him, which, of course, led to an almost preposterous amount of guilt. But, as the weeks passed, he sunk into their developing relationship like one would tepid bath water, dropping into the newfound comfort he found in the warm embrace of the very person he feared hurting the most. He convinced himself it was alright, so long as Kankri _never fucking found out_. As long as Kankri remained in the dark about his deception, then who cared if their relationship hadn’t begun with honest intentions? Cronus _did_ care about Kankri, and would do anything to stay with him.

Mituna was not so enthusiastic, however.

Cronus had been spending every waking moment with Kankri; he’d even applied for a student parking pass so the two of them could drive to and from school together. Without Cronus, Mituna was left to walk alone in both the morning and afternoon, just wondering how the fuck things changed so quickly. As far as he was concerned, the bet had gone too far, and he seriously needed to get his friend back.

“Hey, Cro, wanna go to Tula’s house with me today? I’ve seen you, like, 12 fucking times all month!” Mituna pointed out, leaning on Cronus’s car as the other stuffed his bag in the backseat.

“Sorry, ‘Tuna; I’m takin’ Kan to the movies tonight.” Cronus replied, fighting the smile that snuck across his face as the thought of his not-so lover.

“UGH. Seriously?” Mituna groaned in exasperation, thumbing his head back against the window. “Dude, you’re with that fucking loser, like, 24/7 now. You’re not dating him for real, y’know. S’not like he can’t go _one_ night without your hot-beef injection.”

Cronus sighed, cringing a bit at that. “You’re the one who dared me in the first place; I’m only holdin’ up my side.” Cronus retorted, slamming the back door shut and giving his friend a look.

“Well, I take it back, okay? This is getting fucking annoying and I never see you anymore.” Mituna mumbled, his voice taking on a petulant edge as he absently rolled the wheels of his skateboard.

“Listen, I promise I’ll hang out with you Sunday, okay? I promised Kanny we’d go out tonight, and—”

“ _Kanny_?” Mituna snorted derisively, annoyance clear in his tone. “What, you guys have pet names now? Seriously, Cronus; I don’t like where this is going. Do yourself a favor and break it off already, if he hasn’t put out after 3 months than you know you’re wasting your time, anyway.”

Cronus narrowed his eyes at the other, leaning across the roof of the car. “Listen, you’re the one who got me into this!” Cronus reminded him, anger permeating his voice.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mituna bit back, glaring from behind his mess of strawberry-blonde hair.

“It means that you’re bein’ a baby about this and it’s really getting on my nerves, Captor.” Cronus growled, his voice near shouting-level. “D’you seriously think I liked it when Pyrope started spending every goddamn second around you?”

Mituna groaned loudly at that, pointing a finger at Cronus. “Don’t make this about her, dick-head! You’re being weirdly obsessive over Kankri, and if you don’t cut the shit soon, I will break it off, myself.” He warned before stomping off in the direction of the gymnasium.

“Asshole…” Cronus muttered under his breath, trying his best to put the incident out of his head as he headed home to get ready for his date.

…

..

.

Cronus and Kankri got to the movie not long before it was scheduled to begin and picked their spots in the very back left corner of the theatre while a few other stragglers slowly filed in. Despite his cool exterior, Cronus was pretty excited for his first official date with Kankri. It was nice to be somewhere kind of private, where he could be sure Porrim wasn’t going to be sniffing around to make sure everything stayed PG at all times.

Just as the lights began fading down slowly, he felt a hand grab his right shoulder tightly, making his blood run cold.

“Hey, Cron-ass, fancy seeing _you_ here.” Cronus didn’t even need to turn around to recognize the lisping voice, his tone hinting malicious intent that turned his stomach over.

“Ah, hello Mituna, Latula. What a coincidence.”  Kankri replied, waving at them politely.

“I’ll say! Mind if we join you?” Latula grinned, gesturing toward the empty seats directly beside Cronus.

 _Say no say no SAY NO_ Cronus urged him internally, praying that somehow his thoughts would reach Kankri.

“By all means”

_Fuck._

Cronus tensed automatically as Mituna flopped down beside him, immediately pushing Cronus’s arm off of their shared armrest with his own and casting him that shit-eating grin that only intensified Cronus’s anxiety.

It was too late to flee. The lights went off completely as the title rolled onto the screen, leaving Cronus trapped between uncertainty, and the very person he was trying to protect. He did all he could to relax the nervous shaking in his leg, but to no avail, the movie edging by beyond his ability to focus as he prayed silently to any deity that things would be okay.

At what he assumed to be around an hour in, Kankri got up, whispering that he would be right back. Cronus almost let out a sigh of relief—that is, until Mituna stood and followed him out, stomping directly on Cronus’s foot as he left.

Cronus immediately jumped up, bounding down the sticky aisle and into the abrasive golden light of the corridor. He practically ripped the bathroom door off of its hinges, attempting to steady his erratic breathing as the two standing by the sinks caught sight of him.

“Cronus? What’s wrong?” Kankri asked, concern lacing his voice as he regarded the other’s panicked demeanor.

“Yeah, Cronus; isn’t there something you’d like to tell Kankri?” Mituna prompted, taking a step closer to Cronus—a silent threat of _I can, and I will_.

“Mituna.” Cronus warned, his voice strained and nearly pleading.

“Maybe I’ll tell him, then.”

“Wait, please—” Cronus began, only to be almost immediately cut off:

“No, tell me.” Kankri interjected, voice stern despite the nervousness in his face. “You’re intent on keeping something from me and I demand to know what.”

“Oh yeah, he’s _definitely_ been keeping something from you.” Mituna smirked, his tone sadistically cold. “I mean, he doesn’t even actually like you at all, right, Cronus?”

“’Tuna, please don’t do this.” Cronus whined, his voice embarrassingly desperate.

“In fact, I dared him to put the moves on you the day you transferred in as a joke. He and I were making fun of you and the stupid shit you said the whole time.”

“…Is that…true?” Kankri questioned, his voice falling nearly silent as he turned to look Cronus dead on, searching for even the smallest hint that this was a joke, that things were _fine_. 

“Baby, it’s not like that, I promise.” Cronus pleaded, the intensity of his lover’s fearful gaze sucking him back into the vicious cycle of guilt that had been tearing him asunder for so long.

“Yeah, it fucking was; everything you did from the beginning was to get into his pants—oh, and Porrim’s, too. You’ve been leading him on for 3 months and he deserves to know.”  Mituna stated simply, and Cronus saw that faint glimmer of hope in Kankri’s eyes die out as he fully absorbed the weight of Mituna’s revelation.

Cronus groped uselessly for something to say, his mouth opening and closing on phantom words, apologies—all stuck inside of his throat.

Kankri broke eye contact after what seemed like forever, turning his eyes to the floor instead. His knuckles were pale at his sides, shaking slightly with the force he was curling his hands with.

“I’m leaving.” He muttered, his usually confident voice sounding painfully small and defeated as he pushed past Cronus roughly exited the bathroom.

“Kanny, wait!” Cronus cried, following him to the doorway as he left, only hesitating to cast a pained glare back at Mituna. “Fuck you.” He spat before taking chase after Kankri, from the warm cradle of the theatre into the biting cold of January.

Kankri was quick, but Cronus’s long legs gave him the advantage, and he managed to corner the other by the edge of the parking lot, entrapping him against the freezing concrete with his arms.

“Please, just listen to me.” He begged, leaning down to Kankri’s level to catch his gaze with his own.

“Don’t.” Kankri whispered, his voice completely lacking any force but that exhausted intensity of disappointment, of _pain_. “I don’t want to hear it, Cronus.”

Cronus bit his lip, the chapped skin tearing a bit and the acrid, metallic taste of blood dissolving against his palette. “Mituna wasn’t lyin’ about the bet, okay? I know how it sounds but you need to know that I love you, okay? I really, _really_ do.” He assured, spilling his guts in a last minute attempt to salvage that which was most important to him. “Fuck, Kankri, I can’t live without you. Just give me a second chance, _please_.”

Kankri exhaled shakily, the winter’s air stealing the heat from his lungs and dragging ghosts into the silent emptiness surrounding them. He was tired, both physically and mentally; weighed down suddenly by the heaviness of his own existence. It was too much all at once, and he could feel himself breaking, his throat closing in on itself in that near painful way it always does before he cried.

“Just. Just stop it. I can’t be-…believe I was _dumb_ enough to trust you in the first place.” He admitted, his lower-lip trembling softly. “I don’t ever want to see you again.” He half-sobbed, voice wavering as he turned from Cronus’s beseeching gaze to stare into the far-off drops of light from the city.

Cronus was torn back into the harsh reality of just what he had done—the extent to which he made the person he cared so deeply about suffer. Tears fogged his vision, threatening to spill over as he slowly lowered his arms, incapable of offering any comfort but a feeble “I’m so, so _sorry_.” as Kankri stepped out of the amber light and into the frozen embrace of the subzero night.

Cronus made his way back to his car, his body and mind numb in the unpleasant way that bit at him, trapped him inside of himself. Detached from the conscious reality, he drove home, parked on the edge of the sidewalk, and said nothing to his brother as he wandered back into his bedroom and fell into bed, letting the darkness that plagued the edges of his frayed nerves finally consume him. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sighs loudly*

Following the "incident" at the movies on Friday, nobody had seen or heard anything from Kankri, which wasn't unexpected. What was unexpected, however, was when he called in absent to school on Monday morning.

And Tuesday.

And...Wednesday…

By Wednesday afternoon, Cronus was growing desperate. Kankri had turned off his phone after he ran off that night and blocked the other on Skype, so he had absolutely no way to apologize or even begin the impossible task of explaining himself.

The only person who might have had some information on him was Porrim, who had shunned Cronus completely; he couldn’t even get within 10 feet of their lunch table without being struck down by her infamous death-glare. On top of that, most of their friends were pissed at what he had done to Kankri, so they were avoiding him, too.

With nowhere to turn, Cronus found himself lying on the hood of his car in the sketchy parking lot behind the McDonalds, listening to Morrissey through his shitty speakers and just biding time before he'd have to drag himself home and pretend that he wasn't dying inside. It didn’t even matter if he tried to distract himself, because every thought, every gesture, and every fucking shape in the goddamn _clouds_ made him think of Kankri.

His eyes were sliding closed when he heard the soft tapping of footsteps against the pavement, and he prayed whoever it was would just leave a dying man to his goddamn peace.

He was not so lucky, however.

"Hey, can we talk?"

Cronus heaved an exhausted sigh, trying to quell the soft bud of rage swelling in his stomach at the voice. "What the fuck do you want, Captor." He deadpanned, refusing to even cast a glance at the other as settled himself next to him.

"Listen, man, I'm really sorry." He conceded, leaning back on the windshield. "That was a shitty thing to do but I was just so annoyed, y'know?"

"And you thought breaking Kankri's heart and destroying my relationship would fix that?"

Mituna winced a bit at that, scratching the back of his neck. "I don't know, I wasn't really thinking at all, tbh."

"I'll say." Cronus scoffed, running a hand through his coarse black hair.

"I just thought you were with him all the time because you were trying to get some; you know I'd never _try_ to hurt you, man." He assured, staring up at the darkening sky in silence for a moment. Then, softly, with a tinge of guilt: "But you...you really love him, don't you?"

Cronus was silent for a moment, closing his eyes tight enough to see the oscillating shapes of phosphenes dancing behind his lids.

"...yeah." He choked softly, his throat constricting in that helpless way on the words.

Mituna fell quiet, regarding Cronus thoughtfully before he huffed and rolled back to his feet.

"Okay, fuck it; get in the car, let’s go." Mituna ordered him, grabbing Cronus's arms and pulling him to his feet.

"Ugh, where are we going?" Cronus groaned, too emotionally exhausted to be bothered with much of anything besides his growing pit of self-loathing.

"We're getting your boyfriend back, dumbass."

…

..

.

"First things first: if you're gonna apologize, you better look hot as fuck, you feel?" Mituna explained, sticking his tongue out in concentration as he shuffled through Cronus's closet. "Do you have a suit or some other snazzy shit?"

Cronus scoffed, dropping down on his bed. "A suit ain't gonna change the fact that Kanny hates my putrid fuckin’ guts and never wants to see me again, 'Tuna."

"You've obviously never seen a romance movie." Mituna smirked, reaching into the back of the closet. "And we're going full romcom up in this bitch."

"And how would that help even fuckin’ remotely?"

"How could it hurt, though?" Mituna snickered, pulling the dry-clean bag out of Cronus’s closet.

"Christ... Fucking _fine_ ,” Cronus growled, pulling a pillow over his face.  “I'll do this. But if Kanny gets even more mad at me, then I'm gonna kick your ass."

" _Bruh_.” Mituna smirked, dropping the bag down on top of Cronus’s face. “Whatever, just put this shit on so we can get the show on the road and you’ll stop moping around like an asshole.”

Cronus groaned loudly, pulling himself into a sitting position and removing the suit from its plastic encasement. He set to the arduous task of actually putting on the fucking thing—which was too much work, especially when his only motivation to do so was that _maybe_ this would help _a little_ (even though he severely doubted that).

As he pulled his jacket on, he caught a glimpse of himself in the full-body mirror and paused. There were dark bags under his eyes from his recent sleep deprivation, the blood vessels in his eyes red and irritated, only making the blue of his irises seem bright and unnatural in the dim light of his bedroom. He sighed, exhausted.

“Do you really think this is gonna work, ‘Tuna?”

Mituna glanced up at him from the floor, shoving his phone back in his pocket with a grunt of disapproval.

“Well, I’d assume so. I mean, I do have a fucking smoking hot girlfriend I could be making out with right now, so my being here should say that I’m pretty confident in my plan.” He snickered, lifting himself up to his feet. “Like, don’t get me wrong, what you did— _we_ did, I mean—was pretty shitty, but I think he’ll forgive you when he sees that you were serious about caring for him, y’know?”

“Maybe.” Cronus conceded, forcing himself away from the mirror so he could fish his car keys from the pocket of his discarded jeans. “Time to face the music.”

…

Cronus’s hands were shaking uncontrollably, his left crinkling the cellophane flower wrapping as he reached up and rang the doorbell to the Vantas’s house. His heartbeat was accelerated to the point where he thought it might burst, his pulse almost deafening in the haze of his anxiety.

The door opened quickly, revealing a seriously pissed-off Porrim behind it. Her eyes narrowed immediately, her mouth twisting into a scowl that was the picture of righteous fury. 

Uncertain of what to do, Cronus began requesting—as politely as possible—if he could _please_ go upstairs and see Kankri; even for 10 minutes—

He hadn’t even gotten a full sentence out before Porrim drew herself up to her full height—a usually non-threatening 5’9—and backhanded him as hard as he could, her expression unwavering as a livid, inflamed mark bloomed on his skin.

“Fuck off. He doesn’t deserve to cry over someone as undeserving as you are.” She growled, leaning out the door to look him directly in the eyes, making Cronus bow his head like a reprimanded dog. “We all knew you were an asshole, Ampora, and you’ve only managed to prove us right. I’m disappointed, but most of all, I’m fucking _angry_. Kankri believed in you. He put his love and trust into you and you tore his heart out of his goddamn chest. Just know: if I ever see you around him again, a bruised cheek will be the least of your concerns. Are we clear?”

Cronus was only able to nod hesitantly, turning on his heel and practically sprinting back to his car.

“Whoa, ‘m guessing it didn’t go well?” Mituna questioned, leaning over the center console to get a better look at Cronus’s face in the dim yellow light.

“Por wouldn’t even let me see him.” Cronus replied, hitting his forehead against the steering wheel. “I can’t even blame her. If someone hurt Eri like I fuckin’ _destroyed_ Kankri, then I’d make sure they left in an ambulance. ‘Far as I’m concerned, she went easy on me.”

“Well she doesn’t understand, okay? Yeah, you kinda fucked up big time—“

“’ _Tuna_.”

“—BUT, you probably would have fucked it up anyway, and she absolutely knew that.” Mituna added, looking all too pleased with himself.

“Really not makin’ me feel any better, chief.” Cronus sighed, laying his head on the wheel and peeking at the other out of his peripheral.

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to.” He smirked, leaning into the backseat to grab his backpack. “Anyways, I planned for something like this. Get ready for every girl in a 10-mile radius to cream themselves over this next one.” He snorted, earning a distrustful glance from Cronus.

This was going to be a long fucking night.  


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eyyyyyyyy  
> EYYYYYY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is left ambiguous because i didn’t want this to devolve into me throwing my shitty music tastes all over the place. if i had to choose a *totally canon song* for this, i guess it would be Coldplay's “The Scientist”. Do with that what you will.

Mituna's "master plan" amounted to little more than multiple cliché, borderline nauseating plots from chick flicks all mushed together, creating one of the cheesiest scenarios Cronus had ever heard. In any other circumstance, he would have laughed his ass off at the guy in his place; but now he was sitting on his bedroom floor and praying that, by some miraculous turn of events, this asinine plan might _not_ amount to even more heartbreak.  

“So you just want me to stand outside the window and serenade him _Romeo and Juliet_ style?” Cronus asked, giving Mituna an incredulous look. “I seriously don't think Kan will fall for that.”

“Well, he is pretty mad at you right now, but there’s no way his feelings for you are gone already, I mean, why else would he be hiding like a little kid?” Mituna replied, slamming his laptop shut and stretching out on the carpet lazily. “First things first: you got any romantic songs memorized?”

Cronus barely opened his mouth to answer before Mituna held a hand up, effectively silencing him. “I mean sappy shit, not songs about fucking bitches.” He elaborated, a mocking smirk making its way across his face at Cronus’s offended look.

Cronus huffed defensively, flicking the latches of his guitar case closed. "Hey, I ain't no Casanova, but I know a thing or two about romance!"

Mituna rolled his eyes at that, casting Cronus an unimpressed glance. “ _Sure_ you do; that’s why you’ve had allthese _successful relationships_!”

“Watch it.” Cronus warned, narrowing his eyes at the other.

“Yeah, whatever,” Mituna waved dismissively, getting up to his feet with a groan. “We should go now though, it’s, like, fuckin’ 10pm and I feel like he’ll be less likely to forgive you if you wake up his whole neighborhood.”

“You’re probably right.” Cronus agreed, but he couldn’t fight the nervousness that was slowly settling in the pit of his stomach. He slung his guitar case over his shoulder with a grunt, his weary muscles aching in protest from the fatigue finally catching up to him, and he bitterly ran a hand over his bruised cheek. “ _I really hope Porrim’s already gone though_.” He added under his breath, following the other back out to his car, his heart pounding madly in his chest.

…

After dropping Mituna off back at his house, Cronus felt the anxious tendrils of dread slipping back into his mind. There was an inescapable knowledge that Kankri could reject him—he had _every_ right to, considering what he’d been put through. Even so, Cronus didn’t even want to imagine what he would do with that sudden termination to the only good relationship he’d had _ever._ He was no stranger to longing, to heartache; but heartbreak was something different entirely. Knowing the true extent of how wonderful it felt to be in a requited relationship made it impossible to go back to the blissful ignorance of never having understood. After having experienced how it felt to hold someone close enough to feel the fluttering of a heartbeat opposite his own—to feel every cell in his body come alive from something as _simple_ as pressing his lips against those of the person he cared so deeply for—how could he live when forced to watch Kankri become a stranger just beyond his grasp?

His hands tightened on the steering wheel subconsciously, and he fought the rising knot of apprehension in his stomach as he pulled his car into the space between the sidewalk and Kankri’s front yard. Luckily, Porrim’s car was nowhere in sight, but that did little to reduce the blind panic that threatened to consume him whole. He exited the car as quietly as possible, slipping through the gate and into the backyard (hopefully) before anyone could notice him do so.

Cronus was relieved to see the weak yellow light shining from Kankri’s window, signifying that the other was likely still fighting with sleep. After all, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to convince himself to do this again if the conditions were imperfect.

He took a single, deep breath, letting the freezing air burn in his lungs as he scrabbled with his guitar. His hands were shaking uncontrollably—but whether from the beginning stages of frostbite or his overwhelming adrenaline, Cronus couldn’t bring himself to care much about it. He did his best to clear his head, positioned his fingers, and strummed.

His movements were fumbling at best, numb fingers slipping from the right strings and creating inharmonious, harsh sounds, but Cronus could barely focus past the ringing in his own ears. Even his voice was rough, heavy with fear as he tried his best to get the words out, to say anything to convey how deeply, sincerely, purely he felt for this boy who was little more than a sliver in the scope of his life. It was all he could think to do—a final grasp at what he was so terrified of losing.

Then, a soft shadow passed against the gossamer fabric of the curtain, the window squeaking open as the frost keeping it closed tight was cracked apart by delicate fingers. Kankri stuck his head out of the open space, his face far more pallid than usual as he regarded Cronus with his wide, disbelieving auburn eyes. Cronus could see the furrow of his brow as he leaned out further, his lips forming one word almost imperceptibly:

“ _Cronus_?”

They kept eye contact as Cronus continued, his song fading off into the hum of the night, knees shaking, heart pumping so fast that he was sure it would burst straight from his chest. Even from the ground, he could see the way that Kankri trembled in the winter air, his fingers tightening on the window sill as he bit his lip hard enough to bruise. It tore Cronus apart, seeing him look so vulnerable. It wasn’t natural for Kankri, who always seemed so confident—so collected.  

The song came to an end after what felt like the longest, most apprehensive stretch of time Cronus could imagine. Kankri stood rigidly in the window, still staring down in shock as Cronus’s newfound shyness set back in, and he lowered his guitar in favor of rubbing absently at the back of his neck. Then, all at once, Kankri, took a step back from the window and vanished from Cronus’s sight. Insecurity gripped him then, cold and unsure of anything that could happen in the immediate future, and somehow that was even more terrifying.

It was do or die.

Cautiously, the glass black door slid open, and Cronus’s focus instantly turned toward the porch. Kankri took a few uncertain, bare-footed steps in the freshly fallen snow before gesturing toward Cronus, beckoning him inside with the faintest hint of a shiver. Cronus immediately followed, bounding up the stairs like a child and into Kankri’s house. He knew he should probably be embarrassed for his eagerness, but the pure excitement of being back in his house made it feel like things were okay. Like nothing had ever changed.

Kankri led him into the living room, sitting on the far end of the couch and crossing his legs uncomfortably, as if he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Cronus took the hint and sat as far away from him as possible, every inch between them seeming like miles as Kankri visibly drew further and further into himself.

They sat in silence for a while, each separate moment seeming to stretch into its own infinity. The push and pull of their combined soundless breathing was the only thing disturbing the palpable tension surrounding them as Cronus struggled with the volts of nervous energy coursing through his veins. It was unbearable, being close so physically but feeling the ache of emotional distance rushing between them, an ache that only served as a ghost to remind Cronus of just what he’d done.

Then, a sigh; Kankri shifted his gaze to the floor, his auburn hair slipping over his eyes.

“Why are you here.” He asked, more exhausted accusation than inquiry. Cronus cringed at the sound of it.

“I just… I know I can’t make up what I did to you. I can’t take away the pain that I caused but I just,” Cronus paused, swallowing dry. “I just needed to see you, okay?”

“It’s too late for that, Cronus. How can I trust you again?” Kankri hesitated, a scowl pulling at his lips as he picked absently at the scratchy wool of his sweater.

“You can’t. You have no reason to.” Cronus conceded, ducking his head in shame at the other’s words. “I love you, Kankri. I love you more than I’ve ever loved _anything_ and I know I fucked it up so badly and I _hurt you_ and you have no reason to even think about forgivin’ me, but I just need you to know that I am so _sorry_.” Cronus rambled, the nervous, almost hysterical edge creeping into his voice as he struggled for anything to say that might ameliorate the situation even slightly.

Kankri was dead silent, his gaze boring into the floor as Cronus’s words sunk in. The heavy noiselessness was obtrusive, almost suffocating as the two sat as far from one another as possible; strangers all over again.

“What you did,” Kankri choked, an alien tremble to his words. “What you did was inexcusable. There are no words for how wrong of you it was to…to _use_ me like that for some sick game.” He paused, trying desperately to control his erratic breathing as Cronus went completely still, eyes squeezed shut, as if in great pain. “I feel betrayed and upset and confused, because there is no defense for being so needlessly cruel, and I’m sure you know that.”

“…Yeah.” Cronus whispered, lowering his head into his still shaking hands. He knew that this might happen, but knowing and _understanding_ had never been so drastically opposite from one another.

“It was inexcusable, yes.” Kankri began, leaning his head back on the couch completely to stare at the oddly shaped stains above his head. “Inexcusable. But not unforgivable.”

Cronus’s head snapped up immediately at that, his gaze landing on Kankri who, in turn, looked back at him and…smiled, if only slightly.

“ _What_.”

“I forgive you.” Kankri stated simply, closing his eyes. “I’m hurt by your actions, but I understand that you are genuinely remorseful and you admit that you were in the wrong. There’s no reason _not_ to forgive you.”

Cronus felt his breath hitch, and he impulsively leaned forward, wrapping Kankri’s smaller form up in his arms.

“Oh my god. Oh my _god_.” He grinned, squeezing tight enough to make Kankri wheeze. Cronus buried his head in the crook of Kankri’s neck, taking in his warm, earthy smell as if it were all he needed to stay alive. “I can’t believe it. I thought I lost you.”

Kankri smiled reluctantly at that, rubbing soft circles against Cronus’s back. “Yes, I’m glad that you are happy; but please, get off of me.”

Cronus instantly complied, holding Kankri at arms’ length and smiling lazily at him. “Of course, just say the word and I’ll listen, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

“But, uh. Are we still…y’know?” Cronus asked sheepishly, unsure of how to pose the question he had been agonizing over for 5 days.

Kankri cleared his throat, his cheeks coloring faintly as he refused to look Cronus in the eyes.

“I suppose that would be...preferable.” He replied, a twinge of uncertainty creeping into his tone. “However, you will have to regain my trust completely. I can forgive you, but I will not forget that this occurred, Cronus.”

“Absolutely, I couldn’t ask for anything else!” Cronus assented, squeezing Kankri’s shoulders lightly. He was still fighting disbelief over the sudden turn of events, his mind positively swimming with how overwhelmingly _relieved_ he was. “I’ll be the best goddamn boyfriend you could ever ask for from here out, babe; I promise!”

“I’m glad.” Kankri assured, laying his hands on top of Cronus’s. “But, this has been a very long and exhausting day—not to mention that it _is_ a school night—so I believe you should head home, lest you upset your father.”

Cronus simply nodded, albeit reluctant to let the other go so soon after finally being close again. However, he didn’t want to risk upsetting Kankri after being apart for several days, so he held his tongue instead, clasping Kankri’s hand and allowing himself to be led to the door. “You’ll be in school tomorrow, yeah? It’s pretty lonely without you.”

“Yes, I believe I have been away for far too long as it is.” Kankri admitted, leaning his weight against the doorframe. Under the obsidian haze of the sky, Cronus could see how utterly worn down he looked. Kankri’s eyes were so swollen that they almost looked bruised in the dim light, rimmed in bright red and bloodshot from lack of sleep (he hoped). It brought a fresh wave of guilt into his mind, just thinking about what Kankri must have gone through in the last several days.

He shook his head lightly, a futile effort at banishing the concern he felt. “Good! I’ll pick you up bright and early, okay?” Cronus smiled, propping his guitar up against the front railing. He ran a hand through his greased back hair; he knew he was pushing it, but being away from Kankri with only the fear of losing him for the past 5 days was still fresh in his mind. Taking in a deep breath, he asked: “But, before I go, would you mind if I kissed ‘ya? Maybe just on the cheek, or something?”

Kankri hesitated, uncertainty filling his mind. Instead, he leaned up and wrapped his arms around Cronus’s neck as gently as possible. Cronus sighed contentedly, his breath ghosting over Kankri’s neck as he reached one hand to cradle Kankri’s head against his shoulder. He rocked him back in forth in what he hoped was a soothing mannerism, his other hand coming to rest on Kankri’s waist to pull him as close as possible.

“I love you, Kanny.”

Kankri’s body tensed a bit at that, and he pushed his face further into Cronus’s shoulder, his face burning hot to the touch as he mumbled a weak, nearly inaudible “I love you, too.” After a few more moments, Kankri pulled back completely, leaving Cronus happily dazed as he wandered back to his car.

As he drove home, Cronus couldn't keep from grinning like a madman the entire way, eagerly looking forward to the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i think i might write one more chapter maybe.  
> this was only supposed to be 4 chapters to begin with *sobs*

**Author's Note:**

> ok ok this is going to be a relatively short fic altogether. maybe 4ish chapters and its going to get sad so buckle up, kids.  
> Also, sorry for anyone who wanted to read Hope and Home. I was also excited to write that but life has been basically kicking me in the stomach with a steel-toed boot for the last 2 fucking months. i might work on it more later, maybe.


End file.
